As long as humans have inhabited the surface of this planet they have enjoyed the services of the seven deadly sins, services that I (one of the aforementioned humans) employed in my youth with far greater frequency than I have more recently. This is not because I have amended my behavior to any great extent. Rather it is due to the fact that my energy and endurance levels have diminished over the years and some of those sins require a substantial amount of physical effort.

Take lust, for example. At one time this was my favorite among the seven. I happened, in my younger days, to be subject to a certain interesting set of urges that occupied a substantial portion of my waking and sleeping hours. Some of these were very difficult to dismiss and I made little effort to do so. These would often lead me into the murky neighborhood of lust, an environment that I was loath to leave. I felt somewhat ashamed of my transgressions and, at first, never admitted their existence to my friends. But later I began to suspect that they were subject to the very same circumstances. As we opened up about the subject I discovered that there was a vast subset of our own English language that was devoted to this subject and an enormous collection of jokes and humorous stories devoted to its attractions. Sadly, my association with this offense has become much less severe as I have aged and is now mostly a pleasant memory.

Another of the sins with which I have become very familiar is that of sloth. I hasten to admit that while sloth has been one of my constant companions, it is a transgression that I did not and do not actively commit. Rather, it is a very passive vice that joined me at a very early age and has accompanied me ever since. In truth, I have adjusted to its intrusiveness very comfortably and have come to tolerate its services without difficulty. It is an excellent vice for someone who sports a low energy level and is rather undemanding on his (or her) muscles. I am a little concerned, however, about its being included with the other six deadly sins. First of all, it doesn’t seem that deadly. Nor does it display the intensity of some of its evil mates. It is more a sin of omission, indifference or apathy. Somehow, it is a feeble cohort of such an exalted company as lust, anger and avarice and its other deadly companions. I should be embarrassed to entertain so inert an associate but I manage to do so with steady indifference. I should be even more embarrassed to suffer eternal damnation for an infraction of such meager rewards. I am sure that I will be an outcast in hell.

Gluttony, I am sad to report, is another of my favorites, much to the dismay, I am certain, of many of my fellow earthlings. I rest comfortably at the top of the food chain and do not allow my compassion for those unfortunates below me to interfere with the enjoyment of my culinary habits. I feel particularly guilty about the discomfort and pain I cause those unfortunates who I personally bring to their untimely demise, such as crabs, oysters and lobsters. Now, don’t get me wrong; my guilt does not go so far as to deter me from doing them in. I try to take comfort in laying some of the blame on them. If they did not taste so good I would ignore them and leave them alone. I realize that I should share some of the blame for the demise of other creatures like chickens, cattle, sheep and others. But I like to think that, since someone else kills them and prepares the meat, my only offense is in enjoying it. I don’t think I will change my habits and am willing to remain well fed and suffer whatever consequences await me in the hereafter.

Envy is an intermittent transgression for me. It’s not that there are not folks whose appearance and demeanor are not worthy of my envy. It is more caused by my indifference, apathy and lack of energy (see my comments of sloth above.) Occasionally, however, I am confronted by someone who not only displays an enviable attractiveness but also possesses talents of such magnitude that I become grudgingly jealous. This feeling usually does not progress so far that I would actually alter the course of my life, but still makes me modestly uncomfortable with my current condition. I usually get over it in due time. Somehow, I do not think that this vice is all that bad, especially if the person suffering its effects would attempt to adopt some of the desirable characteristics of the objects of her (his) admiration. I believe that the vice of pride falls into the same category as envy and has most of the same characteristics.

Unlike its five companions, however, anger and avarice are vices that I truly dislike and try to avoid. I must admit that in this I am not one hundred percent successful. I have become, however, extremely adept at easing my conscience by generating excuses that border on the plausible. I am not too pleased with my occasional lapses but have learned to forgive myself with ease and compassion.

This is a summary, without any annoying detail, of my wicked and salacious experience. I hope that I am not disgrace to my species. I must admit that I probably find the notorious seven not as despicable or contemptible as I should. In fact, I look mildly favorably upon most of them. Just consider how dull our lives would be without them.