Recently, my wife, Jan, and I went on a ten-day trip to the Country of Austria. This is a small country, about the size of the State of Wisconsin, in central Europe shaped like a chewed and partially digested frying pan that manages to spread eight million mostly contented inhabitants over its countryside. But what a countryside! Much of Austria has the spectacular Alps underfoot and mostly not so spectacular rainclouds overhead. I’m certain that Austrians are born with an umbrella in their hand, an accessory that never leaves their grip. Fortunately, most Austrians are waterproof.

The Austrians like to pretend that they are not German although their language sounds terribly like the German language and those travelers among our numbers who spoke German had no difficulty understanding Austrians or being understood by them. Moreover, they look like Germans, their trains and busses run on time and they are meticulously neat and punctual. Furthermore, their signs, newspapers and songs are in German. Even though Austria is a small country, it is surrounded by seven other countries: Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Germany, Czechoslovakia, Bulgaria, Slovenia and Italy. A couple of hours drive in any direction will take a resident into a foreign country where they speak another language. Many Austrians speak English because, as they often mention, “No matter what country you go to, there is always someone who speaks English.”

One of the places we visited was the city of Salzburg, a beautiful town lounging comfortably in the Alps, divided by the Salzank River, which separates the old town from the new town. The old part of the town is more than a thousand years old and the other (new?) part looks to be about the same age. Like all old cities in Europe, the streets are narrow, serpentine, dark and lively with pedestrians, tourists, venders and meanderers who seem to have no immediate destination. Most of Salzburg’s activity is centered on tourists with an abundance of shops selling mostly useless items that tourists purchase at outrageous prices with reckless abandon. In spite of the enormous number of such retail outlets, the proprietors of these establishments all appear to be healthy and prosperous.

Like many ancient Alpine cities, Salzburg has a central elevated fortress section that is reached by a set of steps whose number is beyond human comprehension, an elevator (which certainly was lacking in the Middle Ages), and a pair of fascinating vehicles, which travel on a funicular railway. These are a pair of cars of equal weight, connected by cable and pulley so that as one is pulled down by gravity it lifts the other and replaces it at the top. In order to help get the cars moving, an electric motor is used. In the old days, a spring was used to fill a tank on the upper car, which, with the added weight of water, descended and pulled its mate to the top. They were clever folks, these Sulzberger’s.

Salzburg was most famous for having been the birthplace of Mozart and for having been the setting of the movie, The Sound of Music, two circumstances that it exploits with boundless enthusiasm. It seems that Salzburg did not treat youthful Mozart very well, for which he was not especially enamored of his home town. However, Salzburg has not only forgiven him for his attitude and indifference but celebrates its connection with him without remorse. There is a Mozart Birthplace Museum where we learned that his name was really Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophlus Mozart (he later, as an adult, called himself Wolfgang Amadé.) There is a Mozarteum Concert Hall, a Mozart Street, an Amadeus Street, Mozart candies, Mozart cookies, Mozart soap bars, Mozart suppositories, Mozart sandwiches, Mozart neckties, Mozart underwear, and many other things and places celebrating the gentleman along with many shops, squares and buildings bearing his name. (I was only kidding about Mozart suppositories, I think.)

A second city we visited was Graz (pronounced “grotts”.) This city was the seat of the Hapsburg Empire, named for the family that ruled it for more than five hundred years. We did not see any Hapsburgs wandering around the city. At least if there were any, they didn’t identify themselves. Graz is a lively city, peopled mostly by young students who attend the university there. There is a lot of noise in downtown Graz, with homicidal streetcars, aggressive drivers, young, suicidal pedestrians mostly indifferent to the hazards and terrified visitors. We liked Graz but were happy to move on to Vienna.

Vienna is, by far, the largest city in Austria with nearly one quarter of its population, most of its noise and lots of things happening. It was, for centuries, the musical capitol of Europe and still maintains vestiges of that position. We attended a marvelous concert there, which featured a symphony by Brahms and two other pieces by a pair of mostly forgettable composers, both of whom made us appreciate Brahms all the more. The Viennese are very musical people many of whom walk around humming music to themselves and everyone else thinking about music. At least they look like they are thinking about music. Of course, it is only classical music that they think about; it’s against the law to think about any other kind of music there.

Austrians are hearty, healthy and fun-loving folks. They are rather likeable and good-humored. They seem to be heavy eaters, consuming large quantities of meats and potatoes. At least that is mostly what they fed us. They are not so keen on green vegetables but are extremely keen on pastries, sweets and dainty confections. It is absolutely amazing that they are not all obese or at least overweight. They must get enough exercise to work it all off.

Our entire trip was a real pleasure. We had, as traveling companions, 27 delightful people with a wonderful tour leader and a magnificent faculty advisor who presented us not only with some of the best musical lectures I have ever experienced but was a true friend to anyone in need of help or comfort. We were very fond of Austria, of Austrians and of our travelling companions. The country lacks only an excellent cuisine. Maybe they could kidnap or seduce a few great Italian or French cooks.